Friday, July 11, 2014

Very Hard To Explain

Yes, as I sit here in the church where all this began, it is so hard to explain.  How could I have been restored through someone who dumped me?  Yes, God used someone who dumped me to give me a glimpse of a profound love.  It is simply impossible to show how this happened or explain how this could be.  How could I have been restored if I was let down?  It is too bizarre.  Yet in this encounter and experience, I found that I was in a "love bubble" like nothing I had ever known, and it was God.  God works in the strangest ways.

Saturday, June 28, 2014

Amazing as I look back.

To date, and I am very old by some standards, I have never had a relationship with a good man, and the relationship that I keep telling about was bogus.  But here is the amazing thing.  God used this man, and this situation for good, absolutely for good - used it to paint the most amazing picture of what love could look like, and all the while, the man himself wasn't really even involved in the process.  This is the part that no one could have told me to stop believing in - I mean, my friends could never have told me that it wasn't real, because it was something God was doing, despite the man's total lack of love.  I remember even as short a time ago as early Feb of this year, at a wedding of a relative, and I was sure that she did not know the amount of love that I had experienced.  God had healed the past, healed all the hurts and disappointments of the past, and given me a glimpse, just a glimpse of what love between a man and woman would be like - it was so amazing.  I don't know how he could use someone who was as truly un-cooperative and possibly even ungodly as the man that this is about, but God did!  It is so amazing.  I have never seen anything like it.  It is a miracle.  You would have to be on the inside to know what I am talking about.  In this experience, God was telling me to expect love, expect this kind of love, and He was also loving me as well.  Wow - God works in the strangest ways!

Monday, June 16, 2014

OK dear readers

As things have progressed, I find it hard to believe that I was in love, that I was experiencing a revelation of true love, because this man has proven to be false.  And so I thank the Lord for revealing that to me, but of course, I am so taken aback that I could see so much in this, and find that it was so far from being what I thought.  But all along, he was seeming to be really odd, and that it was not turning out as I had hoped. at the same time, the love I felt was so real and so strong, and this gave me hope and a revelation of love.  So that is strange.  But, deception has revealed itself.  I now wonder, and you can laugh at me, I wonder if this man is even a true believer.  It says you will know them by their fruit, and his fruit is very suspicious, so I wonder.  

But i thank the Lord that He has someone for me, someone who is not a fake, someone who is a man of His choosing.

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

The Real Attempt at Comedy Writing

 
Let me tell you about myself.  I’m 58 I’ve been to college about 6 times.  Never have gotten a degree.  I’ve had about 4 or five majors.  Never found my niche.

I’ve had about 60 jobs, and I’ve been fired roughly 15 times.  I’ve lost track.

I’ve always felt that success was a relative term.  You know the saying, “you can’t buy happiness.”

But don’t worry about me.  I’m somewhat prophetic, and God told me that He is going to give me millions of dollars.  Yes, I don’t know where it’s coming from, or when, but I’m sure it’s soon now.

Let me tell you about my personal life. I’m in love with a man who’s 35.  Madonna’s boyfriend is 22, and she’s 55.  Tina turner is 75 and her boyfriend is 40.  I think I qualify as a rock star. 

Let me tell you how I met him.  I met him at church when he was studying to be a pastor.  We were in a group praying together.  He was giving me signals like he was attracted to me so I texted him and told him “don’t give me signals unless you’re serious and planning to marry me.”  He told me never to text him again.  So, I started emailing him instead.  I told him how I was passionately attracted to him, in fact, that I was in love with him.  I waited for him to respond and ask me out but he didn’t so I told him that I was frustrated and got a vibrator.  He told me never to email him again.

So now we don’t text, email or call, but we have a very meaningful relationship.  I see him at church and he’s very friendly, although guarded. 

I do check his Facebook regularly, just looking at the surface things like his profile pictures and when he went to High School.  I have to look at his pictures just to remind me how hot he is, because he hasn’t actually invited me to be his Facebook friend yet.  I know he will because that’s prophetic too.  God showed me he is going to be my husband.  Any day now he will call me.  I know he will. 

The most meaningful part of our relationship is that he is inside my head telling me to go off my psychotropic medication.  I mean, you have to admit, there is nothing more meaningful than when a man helps to heal a woman, from the inside.

And I know he’s in love with me too, because I was watching this movie that had Ashton Kutcher in it, and when I began to feel an attraction towards Kutcher, I knew at once that my guy was jealous, because he was inside my head.

I really believe in this relationship because you know, people make no sense in their relationships.

I have this friend, he makes me laugh and laugh – I laugh so hard I pee in my pants in the parking lot talking to him.  He can’t stay in a relationship – a woman just left him.

But I have this co-worker,  he has a verbal diarrhea problem.  He’s like,  “I was trying to put in the notes what they wanted but I wasn’t sure what they wanted so I just started writing some of the things they were saying, but you could call them and try to find out, I think they may want a tuneup but I’m not sure, maybe you could just ask them  and try to find out, maybe they aren’t due for a tuneup, maybe they don’t have a warranty, but you could try and call them anyway,”  and you just go “OK, can you get to the point?”  And this guy – HE has a committed girlfriend!!!!!!!  Go figure!

I think especially in the Midwest, people are tethered to these unbelievable spouses – and they’re just killing themselves trying to stay married!!!  I think it’s like “I haven’t paid for my sins enough yet, punish me some more!  This is my purgatory!  I’ll buy some time in heaven this way!”

Oh, yes, I forgot to tell you.  My guy who I’m in love with tried to have a relationship with another woman.  He being the pastor and so trusting and everything didn’t notice everything about her and her parents.  It turns out that they are cannibals.  He barely escaped with his life!

Thursday, May 15, 2014

An attempt at comedy writing

 
Let me tell you about my professional life.  I’ve been to college about 6 times.  Never have gotten a degree.  I’ve had about 4 or five majors.  Never found my niche.

I’ve had about 60 jobs, and I’ve been fired roughly 15 times.  I’ve lost track.

I’ve always felt that success was a relative term.  You know the saying, “you can’t buy happiness.”

Let me tell you about my personal life.  I met this guy at church.  He was studying to be a pastor.  We were in a group praying together.  He was giving me signals like he was attracted to me so I texted him and told him “don’t give me signals unless you’re serious and planning to marry me.”  He told me never to text him again.  So, I started emailing him instead.  I told him how I was passionately attracted to him, in fact, that I was in love with him.  I waited for him to respond and ask me out but he didn’t so I told him that I was frustrated and got a vibrator.  He told me never to email him again.

He eventually married me, and as a result, finally accepted me as a Facebook friend.

Saturday, April 26, 2014

God Showed Me

I wrote this on Facebook:

Recently, God showed me His amazing plan to bring a man and a woman together. It is the most beautiful thing. He uses the strangest situations to show us these things. But, I know that it has to be God who is bringing a man and a woman together. He has to reveal the person inside to the other person and also give the love for the other person to each one of them. It is truly His love.

When it is God, it is so divine, so pure, yet it does extend to the body in such an amazing way!

When God is pulling a man and a woman together, nothing can pull them apart. It is so powerful. But it has to be God. There is no point in trying to produce anything, to replace what is God. His love is authentic and irreplacable. We ought to desire it above all else. To have it we must discern what is God and what is fake - what is from Him and what is of this world. We must cling to Him and run from what is fake, and so seek things that are of God within others. That is how we find a soul mate.

If we only see surface things, we are lost.


The end

All of this God revealed to me through this man.  Every single thing.  But I know now that I was seeing the raw form of the man, like a lump of clay to be sculpted - for some reason God showed me that.  And I fell in love with what could be made of the clay, with what I could see could be sculpted.  I was not seeing what actually is now. 

But even though he is not the man who can be what I described, above, and not what God revealed, I know that God set a precedent for what will be with another man.  And I know that will be coming now. 

Friday, April 25, 2014

End of the rainbow

I've gone back and forth with this relationship with this man - believing that there was hope that he had feelings for me, and that it would surface, and that he would eventually move in on me and things would begin.  And on the other hand, I have realized that wasn't going to happen, that he had things going on in his life, reasons why he would lead me on, and then turn me away, issues in his life.  

But now, I think deception is finally unveiling itself.  I am finally realizing that he has led me on, and that he doesn't really mean anything - that he doesn't really have feelings for me or love me.  

All I know is that there was an experience in this whole thing that showed me what could be - that showed me a love that I had never experienced, and gave me a hope that was real.  It helped me to respect and love men again, and it made me see the beauty of God's plan for marriage and bringing a man and a woman together.  I don't know how I could see and experience that with someone who wasn't really loving me, but God used it for that.

Now, I only seek to move on, to be able to realize the truth about this man so that I am no longer hung up on him.  I seek to get beyond the feelings I have had for him.

And, God will use what has happened to make me believe in something like that only something real and tangible coming into my life.