Friday, April 18, 2014

More About This Man

See, there was this older wise woman I met at a church, she is the mother of a friend.  She told me that she could imagine how a man would just suddenly see me, just see me, the worth in me, as she saw it in me one day - she said it is like a revelation!  And she said, that will be your husband.  And I thought that God had shown it to him that day, as he was mesmerized by looking into my eyes, for the longest time - couldn't even help looking into my eyes, leaning over me on a couch at church in front of other church members.  And after that I texted him, telling him not to give me signals if he didn't really mean it.  He got mad and told me never to text him again!  So, I began emailing him.  And I emailed and emailed him. But eventually, he told me to stop all communication.  Why?  Because I used language that was designed to get him to tell me one way or another if he wanted a sexual or romantic relationship, and he said he didn't want that.  But, readers, you have to understand, he was saying this while all the time seeing me at church, and giving me the most positive body language.  And underneath, I could feel the powerful attraction and feelings - being intuitive and prophetic, and I knew he was lying.  

But he stopped the communication.  Now, I just see him at church.  But I feel he just keeps me at bay, while having feelings.  A very frustrating type of man.  I also have seen something, and I can't shake it - something that has taken a hold of my soul, so that I cannot walk away from him.  God help me if I am not actually meant to be with this man!

To My Faithful Readers

who want the scoop on my romantic life.  You see, this man is inside, this beautiful man, and God gave me a glimpse of him.  He was the leader of a group at church, and I attended this group, and one day, right during the group. he came and leaned over me, and looked into my eyes, and it was as if God had revealed me to him, and in that moment, God revealed him to me.  And from that time, I was in love with him.  I found the treasure in him, and knew what love with him would be like.  It was something so sweet, I never could have imagined it before, and something only God could give. So, from that time, he became very defensive.  He put up a defense, because he knew that so quickly, he could become deeply, irrevocably involved with me.  Yet, I know he has these feelings for me.  So, we just stay there, suspended.  I don't know if he could possibly just keep it suspended there for infinity.  It is so frustrating for me.  But I do love him. 

Lyrics for Wrecking Ball

We clawed, we chained our hearts in vain
We jumped never asking why
We kissed, I fell under your spell.
A love no one could deny


Don't you ever say I just walked away
I will always want you
I can't live a lie, running for my life
I will always want you


I came in like a wrecking ball
I never hit so hard in love
All I wanted was to break your walls
All you ever did was wreck me
Yeah, you, you wreck me


I put you high up in the sky
And now, you're not coming down
It slowly turned, you let me burn
And now, we're ashes on the ground

Don't you ever say I just walked away
I will always want you
I can't live a lie, running for my life
I will always want you


I came in like a wrecking ball
I never hit so hard in love
All I wanted was to break your walls
All you ever did was wreck me

I came in like a wrecking ball
Yeah, I just closed my eyes and swung
Left me crashing in a blazing fall
All you ever did was wreck me
Yeah, you, you wreck me


I never meant to start a war
I just wanted you to let me in
And instead of using force
I guess I should've let you win
I never meant to start a war
I just wanted you to let me in
I guess I should've let you win


Don't you ever say I just walked away
I will always want you


I came in like a wrecking ball
I never hit so hard in love
All I wanted was to break your walls
All you ever did was wreck me

I came in like a wrecking ball
Yeah, I just closed my eyes and swung
Left me crashing in a blazing fall
All you ever did was wreck me
Yeah, you, you wreck me
Yeah, you, you wreck me

Ten Glorious Years!!!

It has been ten years since I got a victory over sexual sin.  It was the summer of 2004 that I finally totally broke from sin, after having taken communion in my home as a way to break the bondage of sin.  It has been ten wonderful years of being free. 

The cat that I love

This animal, my animal is being annoying right now.  She is restless because we just got some more snow when she thought it was safe to go outside.  She is now rummaging through some stuff on my dresser.  Cats!!!!

God Has My Adam

God has the Adam missing from the Garden of Eden, me being the Eve, to complete the picture - me, God, the animals, and my man.  The one that I have been in love with has not been cooperating very well - ha ha!  He is a reluctant bachelor, and as soon as he got wind of the fact that I was completely besotted with him, he wanted to run like the wind.  But, he didn't totally run, he has been in my life, which has made it difficult to sort out what is going on with my relationship to him, because we see each other at church.  I keep getting the picture that he has feelings for me, but just so hotly and firmly wants to defend his independence.  Sometimes I think that he has some serious issues that need to be straightened out.  So, I have been in a frustrating situation.  So, I make the confession that God has the right man for me, and he has healthy thoughts and attitudes, and no hesitation to get involved with me.  He is passionately in love with Jesus and someone with whom I will be able to do ministry.  There is no competition in love, and no other woman will do for him - I am the one woman who he desires more than any other woman. 

Wrecking Ball - Sarah Blackwood, Jenni and Emily. Cover Version Walk Off...

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

You know something may be wrong when.....

You know something may be wrong with a relationship when the songs that were playing when you were madly in love are still playing when the relationship has gone sour.  LOL!

I just think it's so funny - the songs lasted longer than the relationship!!!!!!

OK, maybe the relationship will surface again, but for now, the guy has already dumped me!

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Don't be deceived

2 Timothy 3:5-7

New American Standard Bible (NASB)
holding to a form of [a]godliness, although they have denied its power; Avoid such men as these. For among them are those who [b]enter into households and captivate [c]weak women weighed down with sins, led on by various impulses, always learning and never able to come to the [d]knowledge of the truth.

Sunday, March 16, 2014

I won't give up

"I Won't Give Up"

When I look into your eyes
It's like watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise
Well, there's so much they hold
And just like them old stars
I see that you've come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?

Well, I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

And when you're needing your space
To do some navigating
I'll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find

'Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it
No, I won't give up

I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use
The tools and gifts we got, yeah, we got a lot at stake
And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend
For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn
We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not, and who I am

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up, still looking up.

Well, I won't give up on us (no I'm not giving up)
God knows I'm tough enough (I am tough, I am loved)
We've got a lot to learn (we're alive, we are loved)
God knows we're worth it (and we're worth it)

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

Jason Mraz - I Won't Give Up [Official Music Video]

Tuesday, March 11, 2014

To the man I love

Finding you has made all the difference.  I don't know if you realize what you have done.  So much cynicism has been washed away.  I am so happy, and I want others to be happy too.  So much of me has been healed.  I lacked respect before this - respect towards men.  Now, I see the purpose God has for men - as protectors.  And I feel protected by you.  Before you came into my life, I had to do so many things to find protection from Satan, and now, I am aware of how I am protected.  It is Jesus using you.  Because of you I understand how beautiful God's plan is for man and woman - how He brings them together, how He delights in bringing a man and woman together.  And when it is Him bringing them together, how beautiful it is.  And I understand how God wants so much to have a man and woman be together, much more than having them live life on their own.  All this I understand now because of you. 

Thursday, March 6, 2014

Making Love

Making love is meaningless unless it is with the one who is the object of your love.  I want to make love, but I want that with the man I love.  

That's why when you mature in the Lord, waiting for marriage becomes imperative.  It's like discovering fine wine - you can't settle for anything less than the best.  You must have the real thing.

Tuesday, March 4, 2014

A Thousand Years - the lyrics

"A Thousand Years"

Heart beats fast
Colors and promises
How to be brave?
How can I love when I'm afraid to fall?
But watching you stand alone,
All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow.

One step closer

[Chorus:]
I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling, don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

Time stands still
Beauty in all she is
I will be brave
I will not let anything take away
What's standing in front of me
Every breath
Every hour has come to this

One step closer

[Chorus:]
I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling, don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

One step closer
One step closer

[Chorus:]
I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more