Thursday, November 13, 2014

Bike Bubba

I have to laugh because there are a lot of things lately that could be misconstrued as manic.  But I am being professionally evaluated and cared for, so you can trust their judgment.  I have been going off of medication under their supervision.  My doctor just told me on my last visit last week:  "you are a miracle!"  She thinks I am amazing!  She thinks I am doing far better than I ought to be without medication.  Truth is, I was restored years ago, and was totally medication free, and the problems began when I tried to go on medication later - then a dependance began that caused all sorts of problems.  I needed God's healing to overcome that.  But now He has done that.  But as a creative person, there are personality traits and tendencies that may appear eccentric, but they are not illness.  Now notice, the time on this will be marked VERY EARLY.  That is because I went to bed at about 7 PM and got up at 3AM because I had just had a flu virus and was sleeping yesterday.  But the time that will be marked will be about 1AM instead because it's Pacific.  Thanks for your concern. 

Last summer was the real clincher.  I experienced something that was like an episode, I mean, I was under attack after spending a week at Bethel in Redding CA at their healing school, and it seemed like what ensued was a sort of mini-episode, but in retrospect, I see now that it wasn't.  God had started something entirely new.  My new life in His spirit had begun.  How I now do ministry in the marketplace, how I relate to others and bring the Holy Spirit to them, it all began last summer.  It is all miraculous and mystical, and could seem to be the product of some manic fantasy, however, it is not.  And I do function very normally in my every day life.

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

To Bike Bubba

Thanks for your response in a comment, but I will not qualify what you said with a response except to say that "I marvel at your unbelief" (as Jesus said. )  No, the 3AM stamp is not a sign of mania, or the onset of mania.  The time is not midwestern, it is two hours behind the time where I am.  It must be reporting Pacific time.  It was actually 5:15AM in the morning.  I do get up pretty early, and go to bed pretty early.  

I am not anymore ill.  You need to realize that.  God actually does heal, and being up at 3AM is not necessarily a sign of increased energy anyway - that is being very, "dogmatic" about life. Some people wake up in the night and write, some even go to bed so early they would wake up at 3AM.  Please check your faith thermometer. 

Tuesday, November 4, 2014

Push Towards Same-Sex - Sodom and Gomorrah

If you look up articles on the efforts to legalize same-sex marriage state by state, you see how feverishly some people have been working to do this over the last few years.  You have to be amazed at the passionate desire to do this, and the work put into doing it.  You see how each year new states have been added that accept gay marriage.  It is overwhelming.  But what is more overwhelming is when your own state accepts it and then you begin to notice how people, people of your own gender seem to be more open to gay sex, how they act differently towards you now, how they seem to be interested in gay sex.  It is absolutely disturbing to the nth degree.  It is Sodom and Gomorrah relived.  It is the end of our society!!! This is the effect that the change of laws has - it affects the minds of people towards right and wrong, especially younger people. That is why we didn't want to change the laws.  Who has the wisdom to see it?  We are going down the toilet!!!

I do not know how much more I can stand.

Do you?

What I Believe Regarding Masturbation

 
What I believe regarding masturbation.  Saying masturbation is a sin is like saying “sexuality is a sin.”  Masturbation is sinful depending on how it is used.  The reason the bible doesn’t say anything about it is because God wanted to make sure we understood that lust is a sin.  So anything that is lust is what we want to avoid – God left it up to us to figure out what is categorized as lust.

People will say that masturbation is always done in the context of lust.  That is ridiculous!  Masturbation is sexual.  That is neutral. A person can masturbate while in a relationship prior to marriage and be thinking about the future spouse, and be focusing on him or her while masturbating and having pure thoughts.  A person could be imagining a future spouse and have pure thoughts.  Someone might picture someday being married to Jesus and have pure thoughts.

I found it necessary to masturbate as a single person in order to avoid sexual encounters.  I found this much more necessary before my hormones changed – before I went through change of life.  It is important to know that the need for it has not completely gone away.  But the most hormonally charged time was right before menstruation ended.  Then my hormones were raging.  During this time I got a vibrator. 

Now that my hormones are not so strong, I tried a vibrator again during a time when I was in a relationship with a man, and feeling strong feelings of wanting sex.  At this point, since my hormones were not as strong, I found that I was not comfortable with a vibrator anymore.  I thought of how it was made by people who were not godly and were thinking about all the kinky sex that the vibrator would be used for.  So, I got rid of it.  But before, when my hormones were stronger, I did not feel convicted in this way.  This shows how God deals with us differently at different stages of our lives.  God had different expectations of me when I was going through the strong hormone time than He did later. 

God is going to have different expectations of a young man who is going through his most hormonally charged time than He does of him when the hormones have changed.  Don’t go quoting me as saying that God accepts sin at one stage and not at another.  That is not what I meant.  But God might fine tune you more at a stage where you aren’t so charged with hormones than He would during the time when you are. 

Christians drive me absolutely crazy when it comes to masturbation, and sexuality in general.  Christians are so uncomfortable with sexuality.  It is no wonder that people find it hard to want Christianity in the west.  I am almost completely fed up with Christians on this point.  You have all kinds of sexual aberrations:  incest, pornography, bestiality, homosexuality, adultery, fornication, etc. etc. etc. and Christians are going to waste a lot of energy getting upset about single people who feel the need to masturbate.  Good grief!!!  So we don’t even have sexuality attached to our lives in any way before we get married???  What are we supposed to do with sexuality if we find that we are not in a relationship? 


Christians talk and act like they think a real Christian should be like an angel in heaven who wears wings.  They expect people who aren’t real people.  These false expectations drive the wedge between people and God.  

People, I’m sorry, but if you are offended by masturbation, and sexuality, you probably have a serious religious spirit that needs to die.

This will make Bike Bubba Happy

I found some new fellowship and a church to go to!  God always provides.  I found a healing group that meets once a month and a church to go to regularly on Sundays.  I am so blessed by this.  And they are near where I live. 

Monday, October 20, 2014

Faced with life's toughest

This year brought the most unbelievable life lessons.  I had to see family members who I had believed in and prayed for turn more sour, and others who I didn't believe were sour to begin with show at last that they had underlying bitterness and resentment, and finally, a desire to reject God.  I had a man who I loved more than I ever loved a man reject me and at the same time, seem to reject God as well.  That was the hardest part - knowing he may not even be right with God. 

But God helped me by seeing that I can never know a person's heart fully, so that there is always hope - hope that deep inside is that dimly burning wick and that they are not lost and will find a flame of love with God again, or for the first time. 

Wednesday, September 3, 2014

Thanks Bike Bubba!

I deleted that last post because it just didn't sit right with me after reading it,  but I appreciate your feedback Bike and yes, I could never disconnect from believers.  I know this Christian guy who refuses to attend anything and can't seem to find any kind of fellowship that is "good enough" for him, so he goes to nothing, but I just couldn't come to that conclusion and then cut myself off.  What I was talking about is people who appear to be believers, and who fake it, but are really satanic.  That is so scary.  Because how do you minister to anyone who thinks they are already a Christian or who pretend to be?  Yes, you can reach out to unbelievers, but not to people who are just playing with the whole idea of reaching out - just using it and are being devils. 

Saturday, August 9, 2014

Wow - that was a post entitled just "I"

OK, can you believe, the story of this guy actually goes on.  Yes, he did love me, yes, what I was feeling was real.  Finally, it led to where I found out that this guy had been abused in childhood, then readers, can you believe, scandal in the church!  The guy had been abused by people in the church who are leaders who are like his mentors and parental figures.  And when I tried to confront or help him he wanted none of it, so the Lord showed me to just leave it alone.  But now I understood his inability to approach intimacy.  And the Lord helped me to move on and get over my feelings, my dependency on this love.  But how things have developed - in ways you never even imagined!

In spite of his pain over the trauma of his childhood, there is a tenderness deep inside of him that I connected with, and it was so beautiful.  

And I thank God for the experience of connecting with that - it paved the way for me to experience love with a man.

Please, readers, please pray.  Pray that the truth would be exposed.  This is the church today - full of bizarre situations, and hidden sins.  Pray for the truth to be exposed, for these people to be exposed, and for this man to find healing from the past.  

Thank you.