Monday, October 20, 2014

Faced with life's toughest

This year brought the most unbelievable life lessons.  I had to see family members who I had believed in and prayed for turn more sour, and others who I didn't believe were sour to begin with show at last that they had underlying bitterness and resentment, and finally, a desire to reject God.  I had a man who I loved more than I ever loved a man reject me and at the same time, seem to reject God as well.  That was the hardest part - knowing he may not even be right with God. 

But God helped me by seeing that I can never know a person's heart fully, so that there is always hope - hope that deep inside is that dimly burning wick and that they are not lost and will find a flame of love with God again, or for the first time. 

Wednesday, September 3, 2014

Thanks Bike Bubba!

I deleted that last post because it just didn't sit right with me after reading it,  but I appreciate your feedback Bike and yes, I could never disconnect from believers.  I know this Christian guy who refuses to attend anything and can't seem to find any kind of fellowship that is "good enough" for him, so he goes to nothing, but I just couldn't come to that conclusion and then cut myself off.  What I was talking about is people who appear to be believers, and who fake it, but are really satanic.  That is so scary.  Because how do you minister to anyone who thinks they are already a Christian or who pretend to be?  Yes, you can reach out to unbelievers, but not to people who are just playing with the whole idea of reaching out - just using it and are being devils. 

Saturday, August 9, 2014

Wow - that was a post entitled just "I"

OK, can you believe, the story of this guy actually goes on.  Yes, he did love me, yes, what I was feeling was real.  Finally, it led to where I found out that this guy had been abused in childhood, then readers, can you believe, scandal in the church!  The guy had been abused by people in the church who are leaders who are like his mentors and parental figures.  And when I tried to confront or help him he wanted none of it, so the Lord showed me to just leave it alone.  But now I understood his inability to approach intimacy.  And the Lord helped me to move on and get over my feelings, my dependency on this love.  But how things have developed - in ways you never even imagined!

In spite of his pain over the trauma of his childhood, there is a tenderness deep inside of him that I connected with, and it was so beautiful.  

And I thank God for the experience of connecting with that - it paved the way for me to experience love with a man.

Please, readers, please pray.  Pray that the truth would be exposed.  This is the church today - full of bizarre situations, and hidden sins.  Pray for the truth to be exposed, for these people to be exposed, and for this man to find healing from the past.  

Thank you.

Friday, July 11, 2014

Very Hard To Explain

Yes, as I sit here in the church where all this began, it is so hard to explain.  How could I have been restored through someone who dumped me?  Yes, God used someone who dumped me to give me a glimpse of a profound love.  It is simply impossible to show how this happened or explain how this could be.  How could I have been restored if I was let down?  It is too bizarre.  Yet in this encounter and experience, I found that I was in a "love bubble" like nothing I had ever known, and it was God.  God works in the strangest ways.

Saturday, June 28, 2014

Amazing as I look back.

To date, and I am very old by some standards, I have never had a relationship with a good man, and the relationship that I keep telling about was bogus.  But here is the amazing thing.  God used this man, and this situation for good, absolutely for good - used it to paint the most amazing picture of what love could look like, and all the while, the man himself wasn't really even involved in the process.  This is the part that no one could have told me to stop believing in - I mean, my friends could never have told me that it wasn't real, because it was something God was doing, despite the man's total lack of love.  I remember even as short a time ago as early Feb of this year, at a wedding of a relative, and I was sure that she did not know the amount of love that I had experienced.  God had healed the past, healed all the hurts and disappointments of the past, and given me a glimpse, just a glimpse of what love between a man and woman would be like - it was so amazing.  I don't know how he could use someone who was as truly un-cooperative and possibly even ungodly as the man that this is about, but God did!  It is so amazing.  I have never seen anything like it.  It is a miracle.  You would have to be on the inside to know what I am talking about.  In this experience, God was telling me to expect love, expect this kind of love, and He was also loving me as well.  Wow - God works in the strangest ways!

Monday, June 16, 2014

OK dear readers

As things have progressed, I find it hard to believe that I was in love, that I was experiencing a revelation of true love, because this man has proven to be false.  And so I thank the Lord for revealing that to me, but of course, I am so taken aback that I could see so much in this, and find that it was so far from being what I thought.  But all along, he was seeming to be really odd, and that it was not turning out as I had hoped. at the same time, the love I felt was so real and so strong, and this gave me hope and a revelation of love.  So that is strange.  But, deception has revealed itself.  I now wonder, and you can laugh at me, I wonder if this man is even a true believer.  It says you will know them by their fruit, and his fruit is very suspicious, so I wonder.  

But i thank the Lord that He has someone for me, someone who is not a fake, someone who is a man of His choosing.