Wednesday, August 20, 2014

OK - so the story went on

OK, so it went on that I prayed for him, for his healing, and God revealed that he is not open to his healing, that he would rather stay in the murk of the sin and would rather not even come out of it, and would rather not approach the idea of having an intimate relationship with a woman.  Not only that, it led to him even not wanting a relationship with God, so that he doesn't have to have the relationship with me or any godly woman.  He left God.  He was a man of god and he left God.  

Wow - I am so traumatized by this - a man who I felt the tenderness of love with, and he rejected that, and even rejected his own relationship with God.  I can only hope and pray for him to eventually return to the Lord.  I can only hope that this is not for a lifetime.  I can only hope that this was just a work of the devil, exploiting his flesh, and that God will win in his life in the end.  For me, my relationship to him is over.  I must move on.  It has taught me how much you could love someone who has rejected God.  I have just wept for him, and will never lose hope that he will return to Christ.  

I absolutely CANNOT attend regular church anymore.  God is moving, working, saving outside the church, that is one reason, but Christians in churches are so stupid and so spiritually obtuse - they cannot see false believers, they cannot see if someone is actually saved and believing even if they don't have all the outward signs and professions, and they cannot see a truly anointed Christian moving amongst them whom God is using so that they might respect them and allow them free reign.  They are absolutely obtuse!!!! I cannot stand this anymore.  There are places where Christians are in revival and enlightened, but these are few.  I will have to hold out until I am in the company of these Christians again, and can rejoice in their fellowship.  

Saturday, August 9, 2014

Wow - that was a post entitled just "I"

OK, can you believe, the story of this guy actually goes on.  Yes, he did love me, yes, what I was feeling was real.  Finally, it led to where I found out that this guy had been abused in childhood, then readers, can you believe, scandal in the church!  The guy had been abused by people in the church who are leaders who are like his mentors and parental figures.  And when I tried to confront or help him he wanted none of it, so the Lord showed me to just leave it alone.  But now I understood his inability to approach intimacy.  And the Lord helped me to move on and get over my feelings, my dependency on this love.  But how things have developed - in ways you never even imagined!

In spite of his pain over the trauma of his childhood, there is a tenderness deep inside of him that I connected with, and it was so beautiful.  

And I thank God for the experience of connecting with that - it paved the way for me to experience love with a man.

Please, readers, please pray.  Pray that the truth would be exposed.  This is the church today - full of bizarre situations, and hidden sins.  Pray for the truth to be exposed, for these people to be exposed, and for this man to find healing from the past.  

Thank you.

Friday, July 11, 2014

Very Hard To Explain

Yes, as I sit here in the church where all this began, it is so hard to explain.  How could I have been restored through someone who dumped me?  Yes, God used someone who dumped me to give me a glimpse of a profound love.  It is simply impossible to show how this happened or explain how this could be.  How could I have been restored if I was let down?  It is too bizarre.  Yet in this encounter and experience, I found that I was in a "love bubble" like nothing I had ever known, and it was God.  God works in the strangest ways.

Saturday, June 28, 2014

Amazing as I look back.

To date, and I am very old by some standards, I have never had a relationship with a good man, and the relationship that I keep telling about was bogus.  But here is the amazing thing.  God used this man, and this situation for good, absolutely for good - used it to paint the most amazing picture of what love could look like, and all the while, the man himself wasn't really even involved in the process.  This is the part that no one could have told me to stop believing in - I mean, my friends could never have told me that it wasn't real, because it was something God was doing, despite the man's total lack of love.  I remember even as short a time ago as early Feb of this year, at a wedding of a relative, and I was sure that she did not know the amount of love that I had experienced.  God had healed the past, healed all the hurts and disappointments of the past, and given me a glimpse, just a glimpse of what love between a man and woman would be like - it was so amazing.  I don't know how he could use someone who was as truly un-cooperative and possibly even ungodly as the man that this is about, but God did!  It is so amazing.  I have never seen anything like it.  It is a miracle.  You would have to be on the inside to know what I am talking about.  In this experience, God was telling me to expect love, expect this kind of love, and He was also loving me as well.  Wow - God works in the strangest ways!

Monday, June 16, 2014

OK dear readers

As things have progressed, I find it hard to believe that I was in love, that I was experiencing a revelation of true love, because this man has proven to be false.  And so I thank the Lord for revealing that to me, but of course, I am so taken aback that I could see so much in this, and find that it was so far from being what I thought.  But all along, he was seeming to be really odd, and that it was not turning out as I had hoped. at the same time, the love I felt was so real and so strong, and this gave me hope and a revelation of love.  So that is strange.  But, deception has revealed itself.  I now wonder, and you can laugh at me, I wonder if this man is even a true believer.  It says you will know them by their fruit, and his fruit is very suspicious, so I wonder.  

But i thank the Lord that He has someone for me, someone who is not a fake, someone who is a man of His choosing.

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

The Real Attempt at Comedy Writing

 
Let me tell you about myself.  I’m 58 I’ve been to college about 6 times.  Never have gotten a degree.  I’ve had about 4 or five majors.  Never found my niche.

I’ve had about 60 jobs, and I’ve been fired roughly 15 times.  I’ve lost track.

I’ve always felt that success was a relative term.  You know the saying, “you can’t buy happiness.”

But don’t worry about me.  I’m somewhat prophetic, and God told me that He is going to give me millions of dollars.  Yes, I don’t know where it’s coming from, or when, but I’m sure it’s soon now.

Let me tell you about my personal life. I’m in love with a man who’s 35.  Madonna’s boyfriend is 22, and she’s 55.  Tina turner is 75 and her boyfriend is 40.  I think I qualify as a rock star. 

Let me tell you how I met him.  I met him at church when he was studying to be a pastor.  We were in a group praying together.  He was giving me signals like he was attracted to me so I texted him and told him “don’t give me signals unless you’re serious and planning to marry me.”  He told me never to text him again.  So, I started emailing him instead.  I told him how I was passionately attracted to him, in fact, that I was in love with him.  I waited for him to respond and ask me out but he didn’t so I told him that I was frustrated and got a vibrator.  He told me never to email him again.

So now we don’t text, email or call, but we have a very meaningful relationship.  I see him at church and he’s very friendly, although guarded. 

I do check his Facebook regularly, just looking at the surface things like his profile pictures and when he went to High School.  I have to look at his pictures just to remind me how hot he is, because he hasn’t actually invited me to be his Facebook friend yet.  I know he will because that’s prophetic too.  God showed me he is going to be my husband.  Any day now he will call me.  I know he will. 

The most meaningful part of our relationship is that he is inside my head telling me to go off my psychotropic medication.  I mean, you have to admit, there is nothing more meaningful than when a man helps to heal a woman, from the inside.

And I know he’s in love with me too, because I was watching this movie that had Ashton Kutcher in it, and when I began to feel an attraction towards Kutcher, I knew at once that my guy was jealous, because he was inside my head.

I really believe in this relationship because you know, people make no sense in their relationships.

I have this friend, he makes me laugh and laugh – I laugh so hard I pee in my pants in the parking lot talking to him.  He can’t stay in a relationship – a woman just left him.

But I have this co-worker,  he has a verbal diarrhea problem.  He’s like,  “I was trying to put in the notes what they wanted but I wasn’t sure what they wanted so I just started writing some of the things they were saying, but you could call them and try to find out, I think they may want a tuneup but I’m not sure, maybe you could just ask them  and try to find out, maybe they aren’t due for a tuneup, maybe they don’t have a warranty, but you could try and call them anyway,”  and you just go “OK, can you get to the point?”  And this guy – HE has a committed girlfriend!!!!!!!  Go figure!

I think especially in the Midwest, people are tethered to these unbelievable spouses – and they’re just killing themselves trying to stay married!!!  I think it’s like “I haven’t paid for my sins enough yet, punish me some more!  This is my purgatory!  I’ll buy some time in heaven this way!”

Oh, yes, I forgot to tell you.  My guy who I’m in love with tried to have a relationship with another woman.  He being the pastor and so trusting and everything didn’t notice everything about her and her parents.  It turns out that they are cannibals.  He barely escaped with his life!

Thursday, May 15, 2014

An attempt at comedy writing

 
Let me tell you about my professional life.  I’ve been to college about 6 times.  Never have gotten a degree.  I’ve had about 4 or five majors.  Never found my niche.

I’ve had about 60 jobs, and I’ve been fired roughly 15 times.  I’ve lost track.

I’ve always felt that success was a relative term.  You know the saying, “you can’t buy happiness.”

Let me tell you about my personal life.  I met this guy at church.  He was studying to be a pastor.  We were in a group praying together.  He was giving me signals like he was attracted to me so I texted him and told him “don’t give me signals unless you’re serious and planning to marry me.”  He told me never to text him again.  So, I started emailing him instead.  I told him how I was passionately attracted to him, in fact, that I was in love with him.  I waited for him to respond and ask me out but he didn’t so I told him that I was frustrated and got a vibrator.  He told me never to email him again.

He eventually married me, and as a result, finally accepted me as a Facebook friend.