Saturday, February 14, 2015

For Bike and for Everyone!

My doctor said "you are a miracle!"  Yes, a miracle has begun.  I have gained the ground of not needing medication.  I am now on such a small dose that virtually, I am not depending on medication.  However, I am in need of continuing the "process" of going off very gradually.  So, the tiny amount I am on must remain until it is time to completely go off.  Thank God for His victory.  Thank God for His healing.  Thank God for His faithfulness.  He spoke to me back in around 2010 or 11 and said that I don't need medication anymore.  Then, in 2012, my doctor gave me the go-ahead to go off drugs, and I have been in the process ever since.  Hallelujah!

Thursday, January 1, 2015

A letter I wrote to no one

February 5, 2006
To friends in the Lord who care
The Twin Cities has some wild, wicked, satanic presence, and I don’t know of a ministry in the area that has the insight or power to deal with it. Who finds or creates a sanctuary that holds it back – a place where God at last has free reign? I’ve looked for it.
I don’t know of people of God in the Twin Cities who reflect a great hunger and thirst for God to the point that it is possible to “let go and let Him.”  I don’t know where God’s reign exists there so needs are met, so that bondages are broken.  I’ve seen such unhealthy people in the body of Christ – so broken and in need of a touch from God, but without the brokenness that makes it possible for God to move. This has been horribly perplexing.
I’ve met people who know “exactly what I mean” who try to start ministries of their own, and soon enough, they are doing the same things.  They are impaled on the crock of their need to prove something about themselves, not so much trying to prove Him!
What scares me is what it may take to shake people from this numbed state of un-knowing. I know I have to be cautious in saying anything negative about God’s people here, because I don’t want to add to the voice of the enemy whose spirits of shame and condemnation seem to reign supreme in the Twin cities. It is perhaps the relentless shame that people mistake for the voice of God that keeps them from desiring Him, and that keeps them from freedom.
 Here is a list of characteristics about the Twin Cities that have been clearly documented - ones that I find intolerable:
In 1996, the Twin Cities was named the murder capital of the country and almost gained that title again in 2003 or 2004(?) In 2005, when I left Mpls in late June to head for Montana for the rest of the summer, the number of murders was already in the 40s – a high number for the number of people here. Now I wonder if people like Pawlenty are too embarrassed to talk about it being the murder capital. There is a strong, prevalent spirit of hate here. And, since 9/11, and having our security brutally threatened, most people here have forgotten what character and bravery President Bush showed the nation to carry us through a very difficult time.  Many ignorant, cowardly Minnesotans hate him! 
There are more cases of incest reported here than any other state in the nation.
It has been called the biggest homosexual community, even rivaling San Francisco (at least at one time.)
It has been called the witchcraft capital of America. This fact has come to my ears from many sources, yet look how cleverly it is disguised since we don’t see witches roaming about. The spiritual undercurrent, which is almost unbearable, bears witness to this fact.

I wake in the morning and my heart starts to pound, just like the guy in Star Wars. His heart beat loudly as Darth Vader put some kind of hex on him.
My sleep is easily disturbed and I find myself falling into fear, doubt, depression, self-hatred and confusion, and most of all – condemnation. This is after I was doing just fine before re-entering the city of Minneapolis. We must be aware of how the spirits of a place can lord it over us, and how much control they may have over us. This is a whole new area I want to expose.
As I drove into Minneapolis after two months in Montana at night, it had the most spooky atmosphere. The demonic oppression hanging over it is thick.
I have driven into some other towns and cities that also have had a dark presence. I’ve been in places where I’ve also felt hounded by fears or other types of oppression, but not like in Minneapolis.
Living here for too long, I lost objectivity and Minneapolis was my world. It seemed like Jesus had already come back and this was the left behind crowd. Satan tried to convince me on more than one occasion that I had been left behind, but in Minneapolis, this seems all too real. It has been like the Truman show. Little did I know, that outside Minnesota and the upper five state area, the atmosphere is not as demonic. But this city is super charged demonically. It is so oppressive. Do you know why you’re here or that you should be here?
There are over 2500 churches in the area. The majority of them are Catholic. I have heard countless Catholics tell me how its theology caused them to feel they were “damned if they do and damned if they don’t” so they might as well give up on being a Christian. The works-righteousness mentality has been championed by the Catholic church since its inception. Despite the reformation, plenty of people still embrace the keeping of the law that the flesh so easily gravitates back to, Receiving God’s grace is so simple, and so hard.
The most recent thing I have learned is to recognize the spirit of condemnation.  It is so prevalent here, and worms its way in like a snake, beautifully disguised as conviction.  Many are prey to it, feeling guilty even about pure things, and in some cases, giving into hyper-religious behavior as a way of compensating for guilt.  I have fallen prey to this plenty of times. Because the spirit of shame is so strong, it prevents even leaders from seeing their actual sin problems.  Those who have learned to harden against condemnation have gone too far and cannot hear God’s voice either.
 In the face of all these, I have gone to Pentecostal/Protestant church after church and found leadership still doing their “little” worship followed by talk, talk and more talk.  Has no one the wisdom to do such a simple thing – to worship God with abandonment until the Holy Spirit comes and then to allow His spirit to do the work of healing and redemption?  I never see it Is it possible that Satan just isn’t letting any spiritual leaders do that here? See, this is life in the “land of the free!”  How free are we?
In His presence, shame, condemnation and a hoard of other evils vanish. In order to “get” this presence, I have to do the passionate worship in my home - alone.  In all of the 20 years I have been here, I have found only one person who has shared that worship experience in my home with me.  Well, maybe two.
In short, Christians here in general are freaky and neurotic. I no longer attend church when I am in Minneapolis.
 It is a strange, strange mystery.  While other churches, even in America, have caught on to the beauty of God’s presence, Minnesota is still the place that I ran away from so many years ago for the same reason. The same oppressive spirit of shame and religious bondage felt overwhelming some 27 years ago.
I am satisfied to shake the dust off my feet, and wonder at what evil is taking shape, ultimately, as a result of this gross arrogance.  And what evil will fall on this place?
 I have a world of friends in the body of Christ outside of the cities, and hardly any here, where I’ve been for twenty years!
Like other precious souls I’ve encountered in the cities, who have thrown in the towel, tired of the resistance, the unwillingness, the hard heartedness, and who have left - I am also leaving.
I don’t believe that any true believer ought to be living and ministering here unless given a clear word from God, and unless he or she is part of a powerful and clever strategy of God’s own doing to counteract the rapacious spirits of the enemy that permeate this area of the country.
If you are here because you got cheaper real estate, that is not a reason.  If you are here because you have a job, that is not a reason.  If you feel you should live near family so that you can have a “normal” life and have them around for holidays and birthdays, or if you want to be near them so they can take care of you, these are not reasons.
We need to hear His voice, and go where He sends us so that we can BE FREE!  Jesus was immobilized by the unbelief in His hometown because they couldn’t get over the natural person that they had known.  They couldn’t believe in the supernatural person that He was.
JESUS himself was immobilized by such forces.  What does that say for US? How can you live your destiny in the power of God if you are surrounded by your old, natural world in which you learned the ways of man, not the ways of God, and if you are limited by the unbelief of those who will not see you as God would have you to be?
I have lived a pathetic life here – merely tolerated, not in the least celebrated.  The gifts that God has shown me on the inside of me, such as the prophetic, are ones not in the least encouraged by anyone here, (except for the rare people of Homeward Bound Theatre Company).
Each day in Minnesota, I encounter more than a fair share of hateful, arrogant attitudes. I can almost hear the voices on the inside saying: “who do you think you are? You’re nothing!” I feel the attempt to devalue my very life, to tear me down. There are vultures here waiting for you to begin dying so they can jump in and “eat you up.” There are terrible devils in the flesh here.
In other American cities and towns, I have encountered some of the same, as Americans are still in their pride, but not like here.
God showed me how I have fished in the wrong sea for sooooooo long.  I find NO openness to the Holy Spirit. 
Fortunately, this has also been God’s training ground, in the fiery furnace, in the crucible that I will always remember was Minneapolis/St Paul.  I thank Him for that.  The hell on earth that this has been has also made me strong, and with the gifts I know He has placed inside me, I am going where the hungry and thirsty are waiting for me, and I am sooooo excited.
One thing I know! Now that I have traveled over a large part of the US and visited plenty of large cities – if you have lived in and survived Minneapolis, Minnesota, you can handle anything!
I really don’t believe there is any place in the world too difficult now.
Your friend in Christ,

Thursday, November 13, 2014

Bike Bubba

I have to laugh because there are a lot of things lately that could be misconstrued as manic.  But I am being professionally evaluated and cared for, so you can trust their judgment.  I have been going off of medication under their supervision.  My doctor just told me on my last visit last week:  "you are a miracle!"  She thinks I am amazing!  She thinks I am doing far better than I ought to be without medication.  Truth is, I was restored years ago, and was totally medication free, and the problems began when I tried to go on medication later - then a dependance began that caused all sorts of problems.  I needed God's healing to overcome that.  But now He has done that.  But as a creative person, there are personality traits and tendencies that may appear eccentric, but they are not illness.  Now notice, the time on this will be marked VERY EARLY.  That is because I went to bed at about 7 PM and got up at 3AM because I had just had a flu virus and was sleeping yesterday.  But the time that will be marked will be about 1AM instead because it's Pacific.  Thanks for your concern. 

Last summer was the real clincher.  I experienced something that was like an episode, I mean, I was under attack after spending a week at Bethel in Redding CA at their healing school, and it seemed like what ensued was a sort of mini-episode, but in retrospect, I see now that it wasn't.  God had started something entirely new.  My new life in His spirit had begun.  How I now do ministry in the marketplace, how I relate to others and bring the Holy Spirit to them, it all began last summer.  It is all miraculous and mystical, and could seem to be the product of some manic fantasy, however, it is not.  And I do function very normally in my every day life.

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

To Bike Bubba

Thanks for your response in a comment, but I will not qualify what you said with a response except to say that "I marvel at your unbelief" (as Jesus said. )  No, the 3AM stamp is not a sign of mania, or the onset of mania.  The time is not midwestern, it is two hours behind the time where I am.  It must be reporting Pacific time.  It was actually 5:15AM in the morning.  I do get up pretty early, and go to bed pretty early.  

I am not anymore ill.  You need to realize that.  God actually does heal, and being up at 3AM is not necessarily a sign of increased energy anyway - that is being very, "dogmatic" about life. Some people wake up in the night and write, some even go to bed so early they would wake up at 3AM.  Please check your faith thermometer. 

Tuesday, November 4, 2014

Push Towards Same-Sex - Sodom and Gomorrah

If you look up articles on the efforts to legalize same-sex marriage state by state, you see how feverishly some people have been working to do this over the last few years.  You have to be amazed at the passionate desire to do this, and the work put into doing it.  You see how each year new states have been added that accept gay marriage.  It is overwhelming.  But what is more overwhelming is when your own state accepts it and then you begin to notice how people, people of your own gender seem to be more open to gay sex, how they act differently towards you now, how they seem to be interested in gay sex.  It is absolutely disturbing to the nth degree.  It is Sodom and Gomorrah relived.  It is the end of our society!!! This is the effect that the change of laws has - it affects the minds of people towards right and wrong, especially younger people. That is why we didn't want to change the laws.  Who has the wisdom to see it?  We are going down the toilet!!!

I do not know how much more I can stand.

Do you?

What I Believe Regarding Masturbation

What I believe regarding masturbation.  Saying masturbation is a sin is like saying “sexuality is a sin.”  Masturbation is sinful depending on how it is used.  The reason the bible doesn’t say anything about it is because God wanted to make sure we understood that lust is a sin.  So anything that is lust is what we want to avoid – God left it up to us to figure out what is categorized as lust.

People will say that masturbation is always done in the context of lust.  That is ridiculous!  Masturbation is sexual.  That is neutral. A person can masturbate while in a relationship prior to marriage and be thinking about the future spouse, and be focusing on him or her while masturbating and having pure thoughts.  A person could be imagining a future spouse and have pure thoughts.  Someone might picture someday being married to Jesus and have pure thoughts.

I found it necessary to masturbate as a single person in order to avoid sexual encounters.  I found this much more necessary before my hormones changed – before I went through change of life.  It is important to know that the need for it has not completely gone away.  But the most hormonally charged time was right before menstruation ended.  Then my hormones were raging.  During this time I got a vibrator. 

Now that my hormones are not so strong, I tried a vibrator again during a time when I was in a relationship with a man, and feeling strong feelings of wanting sex.  At this point, since my hormones were not as strong, I found that I was not comfortable with a vibrator anymore.  I thought of how it was made by people who were not godly and were thinking about all the kinky sex that the vibrator would be used for.  So, I got rid of it.  But before, when my hormones were stronger, I did not feel convicted in this way.  This shows how God deals with us differently at different stages of our lives.  God had different expectations of me when I was going through the strong hormone time than He did later. 

God is going to have different expectations of a young man who is going through his most hormonally charged time than He does of him when the hormones have changed.  Don’t go quoting me as saying that God accepts sin at one stage and not at another.  That is not what I meant.  But God might fine tune you more at a stage where you aren’t so charged with hormones than He would during the time when you are. 

Christians drive me absolutely crazy when it comes to masturbation, and sexuality in general.  Christians are so uncomfortable with sexuality.  It is no wonder that people find it hard to want Christianity in the west.  I am almost completely fed up with Christians on this point.  You have all kinds of sexual aberrations:  incest, pornography, bestiality, homosexuality, adultery, fornication, etc. etc. etc. and Christians are going to waste a lot of energy getting upset about single people who feel the need to masturbate.  Good grief!!!  So we don’t even have sexuality attached to our lives in any way before we get married???  What are we supposed to do with sexuality if we find that we are not in a relationship? 

Christians talk and act like they think a real Christian should be like an angel in heaven who wears wings.  They expect people who aren’t real people.  These false expectations drive the wedge between people and God.  

People, I’m sorry, but if you are offended by masturbation, and sexuality, you probably have a serious religious spirit that needs to die.

This will make Bike Bubba Happy

I found some new fellowship and a church to go to!  God always provides.  I found a healing group that meets once a month and a church to go to regularly on Sundays.  I am so blessed by this.  And they are near where I live. 

Monday, October 20, 2014

Faced with life's toughest

This year brought the most unbelievable life lessons.  I had to see family members who I had believed in and prayed for turn more sour, and others who I didn't believe were sour to begin with show at last that they had underlying bitterness and resentment, and finally, a desire to reject God.  I had a man who I loved more than I ever loved a man reject me and at the same time, seem to reject God as well.  That was the hardest part - knowing he may not even be right with God. 

But God helped me by seeing that I can never know a person's heart fully, so that there is always hope - hope that deep inside is that dimly burning wick and that they are not lost and will find a flame of love with God again, or for the first time.