This is our biggest lesson. What can you do about this? What I mean is, there is this pastor who is the head of the Toronto church where the Toronto Blessing has happened. Every time I have met and talked to him, though I have tried to project positive things, and shared how much I've learned and gotten out of the church's revival, he has always seemed to point out the need to forgive, like that's all he sees in me for some reason. I haven't been able to handle it. Every time it has ministered condemnation, so it has left me frustrated and I've not gotten free.
See, I was frustrated because I had already read his book on forgiveness and had been allowing God to show me the need to forgive, and whenever it came up I was dealing with it. What more can I do? I can only do what the Holy Spirit enables me to do. With His power, with his revelation I can come to terms with un-forgiveness in my heart, but not by any other means.
Yet, I am trying to hear what God might be saying. I always get too introspective and get under condemnation. I have to be careful. Yet, I want to know. Do I have bitterness and un-forgiveness that hasn't been dealt with, and to some great degree that I can't even see?
Now, get this! A visiting speaker at that church got up and made the statement that people who have mental illness are 99% walking in un-forgiveness. 99% of their mental illness is un-forgiveness. OK, so tell me why it is that every person who is unforgiving didn't have a manic-depressive episode that exploded at 18 - the usual beginning for a manic-depressive? It's because manic-depression is a disease of the tissues of the brain!
Once again, it's the Job syndrome. Accusations are coming to an afflicted person that they have sinned, thus they have a certain disease! I imagine that this pastor believes what that speaker said.
Unfortunately, as good as the Toronto blessing has been, I have to say that I can see abuse in it too. People, there has been abuse in the church! People have gone to get healed by the power of Christ and have found abuse!
I feel abused by this pastor. He has never let me alone on this forgiveness issue, and I have shared with him that I have struggled with manic-depression. Oops! Forgiveness. I need to forgive him - ha! Actually, I hadn't even thought of that, because I'm sure there's some truth in what he's saying. And I was thinking I need to talk to him about this some time.