Tuesday, September 30, 2008

I Can't Love

Along with the theme of the book, "Our Eyes Fixed On Jesus," I am involved in seeking God earnestly each day to rid my heart of its mercilessness. I am helpless to truly love. I am helpless to forgive those who have denied the power of God, including my father, who closed his heart to the power of the Holy Spirit and denied all of us the benefits that would have brought. And that includes forgiving others who have denied the power of the Holy Spirit - Joni Eareckson Tada, who preaches waiting to see the power of God in the next life instead of seeing God's power here on earth, and other people who have not truly opened their hearts to believing God for their healing, such as the lady my mom regularly sees and helps who is handicapped, and other people in my parents' circles.

The only thing I know to do is go to God through the sacrament of communion. Everything that God has given us comes through Jesus' sacrifice on the cross, which can be appropriated through the symbolism of communion. I take the body and the blood and come to Christ in my helplessness, asking Him to cleanse me of my sin and give me power over my sin. The communion prayer that I use is found here.

My dad suffers from pain in his right arm due to having had shingles. I thought it was strange, but not surprising that I developed pain in my right arm as well, due to some freak problem that has developed in the muscles and tendons around the socket. I felt this was a consequence of my mercilessness towards him that I know exists. This affliction drove me to realize that I must seek repentance and deliverance from my sin. When I am delivered from my sin I know that I will be released from my affliction. Who knows if I will experience other healing as well, since lately, manic-depression has been acting up?

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