Thursday, July 30, 2009
The Blue Meanies
This was inspired by a post by Sherri, in which she talks about depression in her life.
I wanted to post this, but it was making me......depressed.
I was a normal child. I went to school every day. I did well in school. I even showed amazing talent in the arts - I could draw and paint by the time I got into Junior High, and by 8 years old I was already composing music. I had passion for life, and loved our life in our small town - 4H, and summer trips, and winter skiing, and playing down by the river in the summer.
My parents moved us out of our town that we loved into the city when I was 13. I was sad but not yet truly depressed. I had passion for my studies and for all the things offered in school - art and journalism classes.
Then, at the end of my senior year in High School, I was visited by manic-depression. All of the sudden I went off on a trip like an LSD trip, only without taking any drugs.
I turned my life over to Jesus. I began to read the Word Of God.
This began to build my life over. I studied God's word and memorized many passages. I still had trouble with manic-depression, but through the help of a faith healer, I was not put on any medication and I went on free of episodes for many years.
Then I drifted away from God and from His word. Depression set in and I turned to medication for help instead of God. Medication became my nemesis. I was now dependent on it, and when it caused ugly side effects, I couldn't get off of it. Going off it caused episodes of manic-depression.
Seeing how I was trapped in a cycle of dependency on medication, which was causing unbearable physical side effects, I turned once again to God for help.
I began again to study His word, and apply myself to read and meditate on it.
Now, after years of doing this, I notice great changes in my mental and emotional state.
I am so high most of the time that to try to go on anti-depressants causes me to become manic, because I am already so high.
The word of God elevates me and gives me strength. It gives me peace.
The doctors keep lowering my medication and I foresee going off it.
I have fallen in love with God's word lately, spending more time in it, absorbing and meditating on it, and speaking out loud the verses that have the most meaning for me.
This is my strength and my healing.
I still get down because of things that are truly depressing in the world, but find the strength to come out of it because of God and His word.
One of my favorite verses is Jeremiah 15:16
Your words were found and I ate them, and Your word was to me the joy and rejoicing of my heart, for I am called by Your name oh Lord God of hosts.