Thursday, September 3, 2009

Annual Stella Awards


Stella Awards

It's time again for the annual 'Stella Awards'! For
Those unfamiliar with these awards, they are named
After 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled hot
Coffee on herself and successfully sued the McDonald's
In New Mexico where she purchased the coffee. You
Remember, she took the lid off the coffee and put it
Between her knees while she was driving. Who would
Ever think one could get burned doing that, right?
That's right; these are awards for the most outlandish
Lawsuits and verdicts in the U.S. You know, the kinds
Of cases that make you scratch your head. So keep
Your head scratch-ER handy. I don't know about you, but these make me angry!

Here are the Stella's for the past year:

7th PLACE:
Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas was awarded
$80,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her
Ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a
Furniture store. The store owners were understandably
Surprised by the verdict, considering the running
Toddler was her own son.
6TH PLACE:
Carl Truman, 19, of Los Angeles, California won
$74,000 plus medical expenses when his neighbor
Ran
over his hand with a Honda Accord. Truman
Apparently didn't notice there was someone at
The wheel of the car when he was trying to steal
His neighbor's hubcaps.

Go ahead, grab your head scratch-ER.
5TH PLACE:
Terrence Dickson, of Bristol, Pennsylvania, who was
Leaving a house he had just burglarized by way of
The garage. Unfortunately for Dickson, the automatic
Garage door opener malfunctioned and he could not
Get the garage door to open. Worse, he couldn't
Re-enter the house because the door connecting
The garage to the house locked when Dickson pulled
It shut. Forced to sit for eight, count 'em, EIGHT,
Days on a case of Pepsi and a large bag of dry dog
Food, he sued the Homeowners' insurance company
Claiming undue mental anguish.
Amazingly, the jury said the insurance company must
Pay Dickson $500,000 for his anguish. We should all
Have this kind of anguish.

Keep scratching. There are more...
4TH PLACE:
Jerry Williams, of Little Rock, Arkansas, garnered
4th Place in the Stella's when he was awarded
$14,500 plus medical expenses after being bitten
On the butt by his next door neighbor's beagle -
Even though the Beagle was on a chain in its
Owner's' fenced yard. Williams did not get as much
As he asked for because the jury believed the beagle
Might have been provoked at the time of the butt
Bite because Williams had climbed over the fence
Into the yard and repeatedly shot the dog with a
Pellet gun.
Grrrrr. Scratch, scratch.

3RD PLACE:
Amber Carson of Lancaster , Pennsylvania because
A Jury ordered a Philadelphia restaurant to pay her
$113,500 after she slipped on a spilled soft drink
And broke her tailbone. The reason the soft drink
Was on the floor: Ms. Carson had thrown it at her
Boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.
What ever happened to people being responsible
For their own actions?
Scratch, scratch, scratch. Hang in there; there
Are only two more Stellas to go...

2ND PLACE:
Kara Walton, of Claymont, Delaware sued the owner
Of a night club in a nearby city because she fell from
The bathroom window to the floor, knocking out her
Two front teeth. Even though Ms. Walton was trying
To sneak through the ladies room window to avoid
Paying the $3.50 cover charge, the jury said the
Night club had to pay her $12,000....oh, yeah, plus
Dental expenses. Go figure.
1ST PLACE:
(May I have a fanfare played on 50 kazoos please)
This year's runaway First Place Stella Award winner
Was Mrs. Merv Grazinski, of Oklahoma City , Oklahoma ,
Who purchased a new 32-foot Winnebago motor
Home. On her first trip home, from an OU football
Game, having driven on to the freeway, she set the
Cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the driver's
Seat to go to the back of the Winnebago to make
Herself a sandwich.
Not surprisingly, the motor home left the freeway,
Crashed and overturned. Also not surprisingly,
Mrs. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not putting in the
Owner's' manual that she couldn't actually leave the
Driver's' seat while the cruise control was set. The
Oklahoma jury awarded her, are you sitting down,
$1,750,000 PLUS a new motor home. Winnebago
Actually changed their manuals as a result of this
Suit, just in case Mrs. Grazinski has any relatives
Who might also buy a motor home.
Are we, as a society, getting more stupid...?
Ya Think??!!
More than a few of our judge's elevators don't go
To the top floor either!
WHAT'S EVEN SCARIER - THESE JURORS AND JUDGES
MAY HAVE POSSIBLY VOTED ON ELECTION DAY!

4 comments:

sherri said...

Is this stuff for real?

Gabrielle Eden said...

I know, it doesn't seem real, but worse yet, if it is real, it makes me fiercely angry!!!!!!!

Matt @ The Church of No People said...

*facepalm*

Must hurt self...must hurt self...

Gabrielle Eden said...

Matt - I knew you'd like this one. Was it a coincidence that you did a post on frivolous litigations at the same time?