am I sad?

You'd be surprised how I actually feel about not having had children, today.  I have a friend with a son in federal prison. I have a former roommate when living in Los Angeles whose eldest son died from a heroin overdose.  There are families that have insanity in their kids of the same generation through introducing sorcery through harry Potter and other sources. Insanity, addiction, demon possession would have hounded my child. 

I didn't understand then, back when I was younger, why. I was so sad about not having kids. Now I understand. My life was too unstable. My relational choices were too unsuitable for creating family. God only knows what heartbreak I'd have gone through, how my child may have gone through hell.   I'm grateful every day that God saw to it I didn't have the trauma and pain that could have been, or that I didn't bring humans into the world to experience the same. 

But the thing I'm happiest about is that when I faced unwanted pregnancy, I did NOT abort.  God graciously saw to my having a miscarriage. In fact, the fetus that kept me believing I was pregnant had not developed in those three months.  God had already decided.