Coping With Pet Loss

I just began the video production program in school. My first project is to write a script for a podcast. I chose to write on the loss of my pets because it has been over a year and I keep going back to mourning the loss of them (Tubby and Bonita).

This podcast was inspired by Harmony Animal Hospital’s website: www.petvets.com/petloss

Our pets share everything with us. They see us through marriages, divorces and the birth of children. Pets endure separation and welcome us back as if we’d been away forever. They are the best pals for accepting us as we are. We become bonded to pets so easily because they have the mental level of toddlers or infants and many, such as most cats are no larger than a newborn human being. We think of them as our children.

But one day, that constant will become one of our losses. That’s the problem with having a pet. We normally outlive them. Generally they live shorter lives than we do. And when the kind face and acceptance we used to turn to is gone, where do we go for comfort?

One of the most difficult and important parts of grief and loss is seeking to understand what has happened and that what you are feeling is all right. Your sense of loss may encompass your life and that is all right. You have the right to grieve and you can take as much time as you need. In a busy and demanding world it can be hard to take the time.

There are many stages of grief and none are absolute. Time frames vary from person to person. Generally the stages include:

1. Shock/disbelief/denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining (often with God)
4. Depression
5. Acceptance/resolution/recovery

Ideally these stages progress from one to five in predictable fashion. But often this doesn’t happen. Many don’t go through all of the stages, and almost everyone will be thrown back into and out of these stages before the healing truly begins.

You may find yourself very close to resolution when a memory or anniversary of your pet’s passing knocks you back into the anger or denial stage. This is understandable and a fact of life. Give yourself time.

If you feel that you can’t get through the grieving process alone, there are many sources of support available to you:

* Your veterinarian. Some pet owners will blame their veterinarian when going through the anger stage, because their vet helped them make the decision to put the animal to sleep. But few people understand your loss like the staff who have cared for your pet and who have helped you make your decision. Talk this over with your pet’s caregiver.
* Your church or synagogue. If you have a relationship with a pastor or a rabbi, don’t forget that they may be there for you. Don’t think that they would not want to hear that you lost your pet. Prayer is a helpful tool at this time.
* Counseling. Professional help is a viable option. Some professionals offer pet loss support groups. At a group like this you will be with other people in the same situation as you who can understand your grief and who can share your experiences.
* Friends and Family. Many have been with you in your grief from the time of the decision to put the animal down or from the receipt of the terrible news. And most have known your pet as long as you have. It may be difficult to accept help, but if someone offers, think about accepting it.
* A New Animal. The new pet can offer comfort and enjoyment and help to forget the loss.

Remember, with time your pain will lessen and the wounds of despair will heal. You will never forget your pet. The many happy memories will always be with you.

In addition, a new resource is now available to pet owners who have been deprived of the company of their cherished animal friends from the international Animal Love and Loss Network (ALLN). Pet loss support is now available, without charge, through on-line chat rooms at www.alln.org.