Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Best Headlines of 2007

(Yes, they were really printed as seen here.)

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

No, really?

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Now that's taking things a bit far!

Miners Refuse to Work after Death

No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-sos!

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

See if that works any better than a fair trial!

War Dims Hope for Peace

I can see where it might have that effect!

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile

Ya think?!

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

Who would have thought!

Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

They may be on to something!

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges

You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?!

Oklahoma 's construction program!

Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge

He probably IS the battery charge

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

Weren't they fat enough?!

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

Do they taste like chicken?

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

Chainsaw Massacre all over again!

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors

Boy, are they tall!

And the winner is....

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

Did I read that right?

Monday, January 28, 2008

Oil Change (Two Methods)

Oil Change instructions for Women:

1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.

2) Drink a cup of coffee

3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

Money spent:
Oil Change: $20.00
Coffee: $1.00
Total: $21.00

Oil Change instructions for Men :

1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00.

2) Stop by 7/11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive home.

3) Open a beer and drink it.

4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.

5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.

6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.

7) Place drain pan under engine.

8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.

9) Give up and use crescent wrench.

10) Unscrew drain plug.

11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss.

12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.

13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.

14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.

15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.

16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.

17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.

18) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.

19) Remember drain plug from step 11.

20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.

21) Drink beer.

22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.

23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.

24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.

25) Begin cussing fit.

26) Throw stupid crescent wrench.

27) Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.

28) Beer.

29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.

30) Beer.

31) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.

32) Beer.

33) Lower car from jack stands.

34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.

35) Beer.

36) Test drive car.

37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.

38) Car gets impounded.

39) Call loving wife, make bail.

40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.

Money spent:
Parts: $50.00
DUI: $2500.00
Impound fee: $75.00
Bail: $1500.00
Beer: $20.00
Total: $4,145.00
But you know the job was done right!

Saturday, January 26, 2008

"I'm not a fairy!"

Staying with Kingdavid's men's fashion fad.

More Men's Fashions

Kingdavid has this running theme of outlandish fashions for men that are of a degree of insane that I can't find on the net. But I went searching and found this site and it has some pretty interesting contemporary fashions by big name designers for men, if you care to take a look. It opens with John Galliano's line, above, but then you can choose others.

Now this is pure entertainment!

..and a pink toe tarantula....!?

On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love gave to me: 68 dogs, 26 hissing cockroaches, 16 rabbits, 15 guinea pigs, 13 gerbils, 7 doves, 2 dwarf hamsters, 2 hedgehogs, 2 bearded dragons, an opossum, and a pink toe tarantula!

What kind of sick, animal-obsessed freakos are these people, found in Texas with a house full of these animals, not even taking care of them?

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

The Man Who Couldn't Sleep

My initial reaction was: you sow death, you reap death. Back when Brokeback Mountain came out, I was cursing the movie on my blog. I took that post off because I was becoming rabid! The movie was about making us gay friendly, and according to the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation, that is what the movie succeeded in doing!

But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that Heath Ledger was a young man who was not comfortable in the things he was promoting. He was restless and disturbed - a good sign. His soul wasn't satisfied.

Where is he now? Where is his soul? "It is appointed man once to die, and then comes the judgment." (Hebrews 9:27) Scary. Does just having a God-shaped vacuum count in God's eyes?

Just heard about Brad Renfro too, who I saw in the movie, The Cure.

Here is an article on Heath

Monday, January 21, 2008

Martin Luther King, Jr Day

In honor of this day I want to refer back to an essay that was actually meant for this day - "Black People, Listen To Me"

Here also is a site for the holiday.

Saturday, January 19, 2008

Paris Men's Fashion Show

OK, I stole this idea from Kingdavid. But look at this "adorable" girly man. See more of his fashion line here.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

A Whole Generation Wiped Out

It is staggering to realize the number of babies that have been "terminated" in the West, when you read an article that says that abortions have reduced in number to 1.2 million a year! That means babies have been getting destroyed at a rate of more than 1.2 million a year. Just think - it's a whole generation of kids. Let's not be surprised if down the road we wonder what has happened to our society, and why there are no successors. They've been aborted!

See what Texas Rainmaker says about abortion.

Saturday, January 12, 2008

Two Dreams

The first one was about me being taken away by two cops (there are two cops, coincidentally, sitting at the coffee shop as I write.) It goes back to experiences I've had being manic, in the throes of manic-depressive illness, and being apprehended by cops. I heard about an old man who became confused and the police took him into the station, and kept him there until his sister came to get him. It reminded me of times when I've been taken by cops to the station and then to the hospital. It's a horrible, humiliating experience.

In my dream, I'm being apprehended again for some reason, only this time, two cops transport me to a hotel that is like a place in Greece or Rome, you know, where balconies of dignitaries would look out over great sports events and things like that. In this case, the cops were placing me as a spectator on a grand balcony overlooking a spectacular display of exotic animals doing races.

I knew I had been transported to heaven. Everything was in such enhanced color and the outline was more clearly defined than in real life. I knew it was heaven, and it was partly because of reading Don Piper's book and asking the question, "are there truly animals in heaven?" It was also like God telling me not to fear ever going through one of those humliating experiences again.

The second dream was about me talking to a man who must have been a type of my teacher I just had at school, with whom I had a good rapport. He told me that there is someone that the little fairy-like creatures hide from because that person has great innocence. The fairies are evil, as they don't like innocence. The fairies are like little people with long, black hair and red sparkling dust that falls from their heads.

As I enter the space that the fairies are in, they hide from me! I was the innocent one that they would hide from. Then I understood why it is I never see the fairies. It's because they are always hiding from me. Wow! I woke from that dream and thought how weird that I would be thought of as innocent, but the Lord must see me as innocent in His eyes, because my sins are forgiven. And the fairies are the evildoers that I never see because they hide from me.

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Human Body Heat Causing Global Warming

According to a recent study in Sweden, the heat generated by the bodies of humans on earth could be contributing to global warming more than any other factor on earth. Thus, the only solution may be to reduce the number of humans in some kind of mass genocide - to save mother earth.

This is my own Onion style made up news.

Is it just me, or does her voice grate on you?

It's Hillary's voice. It depicts the woman that was portrayed on Gateway Pundit's blog when he did a post on all the smut that has come out of her mouth. It's some unbelievable stuff. It included sexual references she used that were out of bounds. Anyway, when I hear her talk, her voice allows me to hear her saying those things. Her voice depicts a feminist who wants to tear down some fundamental values that I cherish.

I don't know about you, but I cringe at having to listen to that voice for four years of her being in office. So here's hoping she's the Democratic candidate, and that Democrats decide at the last minute - "nah!"

Friday, January 4, 2008

America In The End Times

I've been disturbed lately thinking about what I've heard: that America doesn't exist in the end times. And if that is true, then we can only speculate about why. This article talks about America's role in Bible prophecy. It states that America does not play a significant role in end-time prophecy and that it must fall from world influence.

It just "kills" me. I keep thinking - prophecy tells us that we
will lose it, that it will slip through our hands! How do I pray in the light of this? I just don't know how I'm supposed to pray!

Notice the article states that the remnant of God's people are purged by this. I understand that, but my heart is grieved. We are losing a great gift that God gave us. Oh how can it be that evil can tear it down?

Or will it just mean that we'll still exist, but we'll be humbled as a subserviant power in the world and it will do us good? I can only speculate.

90 Minutes In Heaven

Now this one I've almost finished. What an exciting book! This is about true miracles! The guy was truly raised from the dead! Right here in America! But before that, he spent 90 minutes, the length of a motion picture, in a heaven experience that no one would want to return from.

Most of the book is actually about his recovery after he returns - the arduous task of getting back some normal functions in his body, and the pain he went through. It's a great testimony. Order book here.

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Religions of Folly

These brief descriptions are quick facts for informed intercession, and show the absolute folly of these religions. These show how man thinks up things that are the blind leading the blind! Also, what does the first one say about Mitt Romney?!


*The Bible is the Word of God insofar as it is correctly translated. There are three sacred books in addition to the Bible: The Book of Mormon, Doctrine and Covenants, and The Pearl of Great Price.

*The earth is one of several inhabited planets ruled over by gods and goddesses, who were at one time humans on other planets. Mormonism is polytheistic in its core.

*The Trinity consists of three gods born in different times and places; the Father begot the Son and Holy ghost through a goddess wife in heaven.

*Humankind is of the same species as God. God begot all humans in heaven as offspring of his wife or wives, who were sent to earth for their potential exaltation to godhood.

*Salvation is resurrection, but exaltation to godhood, for eternal life in the celestial heaven, must be earned through self-meriting works.


*Siddhartha Gautama followed the paths of previous "buddhas," or enlightened ones, until he discovered the Middle Path, the Four Nobel Truths, and the Eightfold Path, and achieved enlightenment.

*Buddhism shows a heavy influence of Brahmanism gods, and goddesses in buddha's history and teaching; its description of a universal cosmic consciousness is that of a nonpersonal essence, sometimes called the Void.

*The Pali Tripitaka text is considered by many to be the most reliable teaching of Buddha, although Mahayama Buddhism and other sects add to it.

*Man suffers because his desires are fixated on the illusion of self, which confines him to nonpermanence within the laws of Karma and reincarnation.

*Self-salvation is achieved by following the Middle Path, the Four Noble Truths, and the Eightfold Path. The ultimate goal is to reach the state of Nirvana, where the self becomes extinguished in the Void.

The above "Quick Facts" were excerpted with permission from "The Kingdom of the Cults" by Dr. Walter Martin, Bethany House, a division of Baker Publishing Group, copyright 1985-2003