This book by Guy Chevreau (Turnings) has helped to answer my dilemma over my future. I now understand that I don't have to fear the future because..here where I had fear over the future and how to provide for myself, Chevreau is saying that our problem is that we have too much provision and too much security financially and we depend on that. He is saying that having less is more.
By not having a secure future I'm in a better position to be absolutely dependent on God.
He talks about the meaning of absolute dependence. He and Heidi Baker were looking for a few pennies he could borrow for a sermon illustration while visiting her in Pemba, northern Mozambique. It is a "hard" Muslim province where they were having a church conference. They talked to nearly a dozen pastors, and not one of these 'mighty men of God' had even a penny to loan him. 'It was a most staggering realization of the absolute dependence these pastors live continuously.'
Can you imagine that? These men of God don't even carry spare change. We carry change, cash, credit cards, cell phones, etc. We carry so much "security." And recently I earned much less in my paycheck, and that in answer to giving more to the work of the church, and I was surprised at first but not now. I thought, "OK, God is trying to teach me dependence."
Chevreau also talks about our need to concern ourselves with those less fortunate than us. He says: "If we keep praying for 'more' without a growing commitment to those who have so much less, we need to concede that in the living out of our faith, there's something fundamentally wrong."
I'm only beginning to learn and understand this. It is after this that he talks about Mother Theresa, and I am humbled to realize her commitment to God and to the poor.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that suddenly my concern for the future is now made easy. But I have had a "turning" because of this book. Just a few words and fear is dissipating. This man operates out of a higher order.
All I know is that I want to be in the will of God, where things make sense, and where I know I'm doing what He wants me to do. If He wants me to have very little, depending on Him moment by moment for the smallest thing, then so be it. As long as I can know His power and see His hand at work and be free from depending on my own power.
I think it should be our goal to die sharing the gospel. What else should it be - that we die rotting away in old age? Go out with a blaze of glory, I say! We have to dispense with the comfortable life.